Be the Architect of Your Own Happiness

We all have our insecurities. Whether it be in our relationships. our body image, our job, the way we dress, or whatever. It's so common, I know, but it's hard to NOT feel totally alone and stupid for feeling that way. As I get older, it is easier to recognize my insecurities. It's hard to not fight them. Ignore them. Worry over them. I admit, there has been times in which I would fixate on something in my life and it would overwhelm me. I've been jealous, green with jealousy. Green until I turned red. Green until I hated myself for feeling full of jealousy or worry. And then, i learned how to talk. I am lucky enough to have a partner in my life who knows me better than I know myself. And when I feel jealous or self loathing or insecure, he knows. And we talk. He never over-assures me that I don't need to be jealous. He never gives into my self deprecation. Instead, we talk about why I am feeling jealous or being down on myself. He tells me what he sees and what is the truth to him. My life and relationship has never been healthy than it is today.

I am not perfect. Not by any means. And that is the beauty of it. I know that I could lose weight to be healthier. I am very, very aware of it. And I have my off days. I have days when I cry because I hate all of my clothes, or I look in the mirror and just don't like what I see. It's natural. I have been at my ideal weight, and I liked being there. I have also been on the other side of the spectrum. When I was dealing with depression some years ago, I was at my heaviest. I hated every part of my life and I used food as self-soothing medicine. I didn't love myself, and it showed. I hid under layers of clothing and long hair and just worked at eating myself to death. It was a really dark time in my life. And then I broke free. I lost over 80 pounds and learned how to love myself. Of course, I still had really hard days. And those days were full of binge eating. But I got help, I met the love of my life. I discovered bike riding. I learned how to enjoy food, and not use it as a tool. I got rid of all the negativity and hurt and just moved forward!

It's always been more than body image though. It took me a long time to discover who I was, and who I wanted to be. I went through a lot of dress styles, adapted to being a new weight, tried new things, made new friends, lost friends too. I don't regret anything. I'm not ashamed of anything. I experienced a lot of good and bad, and it has shaped me to who I am today. And here I am. For the most part, I love myself. I love my life and I feel happy. There are the obvious things that have been stressful, that I have mentioned in my blog and have shared with you. I worry about the everyday things like money and work. I will say that you will probably see less of that. I want my blog to be a positive place. It will, of course, pop up ever so often. But the more I eradicate it from my life, the happier I will be. The more I will love myself. The more I will love what I do.

I have to say though, I don't worry that much anymore. I never worry about my relationship, because I know I don't need to. It's unnecessary stress that I bring on myself. I don't worry about my job, because I know that if it doesn't work out, I can get another one. I don't worry about my family, because I know that I love them and they love me, regardless of the ups and downs we have had. I try not to worry about the way I look and just love who I see in the mirror. I know I can work on the things I don't like, but when it comes down to it, I am who I am and I'm beautiful. I have enough love in my life that I will never be hungry, I will never be homeless, and I will never be without love.

Trust me, none of this happened overnight. It has been a 10 year struggle. I'm turning 26 this year, and I am not a kid anymore. I have to pay bills, and I have creatures and an incredible man who rely on my to be in their lives. I am responsible for my future and I am responsible for my own happiness. I read once in this strange old 1950s palm reading book I found at a yard sale the sentence "You are the architect of your own happiness" and that has always stuck with me. Not that I am interested in palm reading, but was fascinated with the idea of palm reading in the 1950s. I still have that little book tucked away in our bookshelf. Just for that one sentence. I am building my future every moment, and I want to make it count.

I hope that by sharing this, you have gotten to know me a little better. This is where I come from and who I am today. I try hard to be happy and often times, don't have to try at all. I know that I am never alone. Whether it be my little family in this old house, or my blood family across the nation, my friends who I can hug and tell my secrets to, to my new blog friends who I have come to love. and care about. Even my puppies are a huge piece in the puzzle in my happiness and I am thankful to have their love. There is no guidelines for happiness. There is no specific way you are supposed to look, or dress, or feel. Blaze your own trail and be the architect of your own happiness!

xo,

Beca

Curiosities Closet Vol 9 - Our Wishlist

This is kind of an unusual curiosities closet, because it isn't stuff I like, it's stuff we, as a family, want/need. Since I am working on budgeting better, I want to factor in our wants and needs and save for them. This is my visual wish list.

Firstly, the Olympus E-620. This camera is incredible. I am really happy with the 410 that I got for Doug last year on his birthday, so I will probably just hold on to that, but I really want to get him a new one. This one is perfect.

A MUCH needed trip to Florida to see our family.

And a weekend getaway to the Madonna Inn in San Luis Obisbo.

I really really want a new mixer because I had to leave my old mixer in Tucson. There just wasn't room in the van when we moved. I miss having one. This green one is very pretty.

If you know me at all, you know I love TV. My big TV that I got as a gift from my Mom for my college graduation, was too big to bring to California so it got left behind too. We are currently borrowing a TV from our friends, but would like to get our own soon.

Everything is perfect with the beast, except the paint. Although I don't think we're going to go crazy like the one below (which is the exact same van, minus the orange detailing) it definitely does need a new paint job soon.

Annnnnnd of course, we're planning on getting iphones...I know...finally.

Whats on your summer wishlist??

xo,

Beca

Monster's Adoption Story Video Blog

Hiya pals! Remember a long time ago when I wrote up Ollie's adoption Story? Well, it's been a long time, and I promised to follow up with the other pups...well..I forgot. I totally forgot, until I started seeing all the really cute videos and blog posts about dogs and remembered that I should have done this years ago...okay, maybe months ago, so anyways, it's Monster's turn.

Here it is. In video, nonetheless.

Whoa. Look who has serious bed head!! (It always looks like this!) I still feel like such a kook when I make videos, but I hope you enjoyed Monsters adoption story and a little about him. Also, I should have taken notes or something before I made this because it took me like 8 times and by the way, do you love how Charlie kept trying to get into the video? And seriously, his face just keeps getting stranger as the video goes on.

I hope you liked my video and monster's goofy face. What's your pups adoption story? I'd love to hear about it! If you make a video with your pet, send me the link!

Beca

How To Make: Matryoshka Doll Cookies

Preset your oven to 350 degrees F.

Cream together 1 cup of sugar and 1/4 pound of butter

And 2 large eggs and mix well.

You may still have a few chunks of butter, but don't worry, they will soften before you put them in the oven.

Add 1 TBSP of vanilla and/or another flavor

I added a few drops of lavender and bilberry mix.

It creates a different kind of sweetness, but is very subtle. Don't go crazy or it will be overpowering.

I also added a few swirls of honey

add 2+ cups of flour, a dash of salt and a dash of soda, and 1 TBSP of baking powder. I say 2+ because you may need to add more to get the dough to the right consistency depending on how much flavor or honey you add. Mix well until a ball forms. I fold the dough until all the tiny pieces of butter combine. Chill your dough for 20-30 minutes. I promise you, you'll regret it if you don't chill it. The cookies will not hold their shape when you roll them out and they will crumble. (You want to let them chill so the combined butter hardens just enough to hold shape.)

Roll your dough out in pieces and cut out the doll shapes with a knife.

I think they kind of look like bowling pins.

Bake for 7-9 minutes. Check at 7 minutes. These cookies burn easily. You want your cookies to be fluffy and light, with a slightly darker bottom. That is how you know they are done.

Let them cool completely!

Now to make royal icing.

I don't use a recipe for this.

But here is my process.

Add powdered sugar into a small bowl by the spoonful, depending on how much icing you are going to make.

Add water or soy milk very slowly, so that you have a thick, creamy texture.

Pull the spoon or fork up, and see how fast the icing drips.

It should drip slowly.

If it is too thin, add more powdered sugar.

Once you have the consistency you want, add color.

I use sandwich bags as pastry bags at home because I can seal them and use them later if I want.

Cut a tiny tiny hole in the corner.

Decorate carefully. Royal icing spreads and will drip everywhere, so get ready to get messy and have multi-colored hands!

And let the icing air dry. Don't put it in the fridge, it will get a weird texture to it, and won't look right.

And you're done!

Enjoy!

Let me know if you try this! I would love to see your creations!

xo,

Beca

Shop Update

This sewing machine is TO DIE FOR!

I was so excited to find this treasure and even though I hesitated on getting it at first, I am glad that Doug talked me into it.

These pretty mugs will be in the shop tomorrow.

This blouse is so pretty. I like the peter pan collar and the little red butterflies.

Talking Baby Tender Love.

Nuff said!

And this Llama that I totally fell in love with. Isn't he sweet?

There's more, but I'll share them tomorrow. I am getting ready to go to my last night shift at the deli tonight. Then I have four days off, and start with my new position on Friday. I am really excited, my mind is racing nonstop now with all the exciting changes to come.

xo,

Beca

A Happy Revelation

Yesterday, we took our old roommate to the Sports Arena swap meet and I turned into major bummer fest. Like pouting and wandering aimlessly. It was sprinkling and cold, so I ate a funnel cake (I know, right!) and wore dark sunglasses and didn't buy anything (at first.) I even found myself making faces at the sellers when they told me the prices of things, because it just sounded so greedy to me. (You know me, I like getting things for super cheap and selling them for super cheap. Everyone wins!) During this tantrum, I had a lot of time to think, and thankfully figured out why the hell I am such a sourpuss lately.

Going treasure hunting is, hands down, one of my favorite things to do in the world, and I have to say, that recently, I have started to enjoy it less. I didn't know why. I thought maybe just because I was worried about getting caught up on our bills, or maybe that we haven't been getting the deals and finds we usually get. I have become so worried about our shop and keeping it full, and finding new "inventory" that I lost the undying love that I had for it to begin with. Considering my second favorite thing in the world is sharing the great items I find with the world, our shop has been such a joy to have. Except when it needed to start being more than a hobby, and be something to rely on.

I think that the recent stress that I have had about keeping our shop afloat in the sea of the vintage and hand crafted virtual marketplace has put a damper on the reason why we started our shop to begin with. We started this shop because we knew that we had the *gift* for finding really incredible treasures and wanted to share them with the world. I love digging up something rare and forgotten, and being able to share it. I have gotten so many emails saying things like "I got this for my Mom, and it brought tears to her eyes because of all the memories." or "I had this when I was a kid and wanted to get one for my child. I never would have been able to do that without your shop."

I realized that through all my worry and complaints about working a full time day job, I am not ready to give up the security of whether or not I am going to be able to pay bills and buy groceries and save up for the future. Thankfully, for now, I will be working full time, with a substantial pay increase, doing something that I have loved for a long time, and I can go back to loving our shop and having fun with it. I mean shoot, who wouldn't want to make cake all day and then come home and package up treasures and ship them out to new friends, go to the flea market on the weekends. This has been the best revelation I have ever had.

Please, friends, if you plan on or have your own shop of handcrafted or vintage, and you lose the sparkle that made you start your shop top begin with, don't worry, you are not alone! It has been a roller coaster ride or good and bad and scary, and stressful, and fun. Just keep to heart what makes you happy and don't give up! Has anyone else felt this? How did you deal with it?

We're heading to National City flea market right now, and I plan on having the time of my life.

xo,

Beca

Rainy Day Blues

I think I have been kind of personally absent from this blog lately. I mean I have been consistently posting, but not anything that has a smidgen of my voice to it. I have been really distracted with focusing on my home (ie, reorganizing, cleaning, putting new bed together, not doing laundry, spending money we don't have, you get the picture..) and honestly, I have been feeling kind of down. I think it's the weather, because everything else in my life is incredible. I was hired yesterday as the pastry chef at the deli, which is such an incredible feat and I am really proud of my persistence and hard work to get it. I have a great boyfriend who does everything for me, and loves me more than words can express, my dogs are awesome, our shop is rad. I just feel bummed.

In order to get myself out of this mood, I straightened up my little work space.

It didn't really work, but this is where I work.

We got our business cards in the mail from Moo and I am in love. They are so pretty, and I am so glad we went with the recycled paper. I love the way it looks and the way it feels.

I got this really pretty southwestern fabric from the thrift store this morning and made a little envelope bag to see how I would like it. It's prefect. I want to make little bags for bows and arrows merchandise. I also got new eyelets at the leather shop this morning, and they're too big for my hand press. I am frustrated with that, but don't want to get a new hand press. Everything seems more stressful and frustrating than it really is.

Our old roommate from Tucson Shawn in visiting us this weekend and it's really good to see him. It was fun living with him in Tucson. We always ate chicken wings and watched TV marathons. It was a good last few months in the pueblo.

Speaking of Tucson, my friend Isaiah put out a new video and it's really rad. I like the song, and the imagery and the editing. I can't say enough about it.

I am training some new people at work tonight and tomorrow who have been hired to replace me. I hope that I can get through this weekend. I also hope that it stops raining. I swear that is what is making me so depressed. I am cold, and everything is soggy and damp. It's depressing. I could never live in the northwest.

I am going to get my hands busy making dog collars! Whaaat!? Yep. I'm going to give it a go. Let's see how they come out. There is a little sneak peek at how the first one looks above.

xo,

Beca

Shop Update

I got some new pretty clasps to experiment with, and I feel in love. Absolutely in love.

You can find all of these new treasures in our shop.

xo,

Beca